Died Last Night.......I was sick of living.

Yes, I died last night !!

Death is not all that serious..Believe me, when I m dead ! For a long time I was experiencing this--Something started dying inside me and gradually death paved it's way inside me. Trust me when I say that- When death finds your way, don't fight back or else it will be painful.....

When I woke up yesterday morning,I felt unusually relaxed, free and exuberant and I knew it was the end.

It was a promising sunny morning. Of course only I could sense the clouds that were to come. After getting fresh,I dressed in my favourite Jeans and shirt I hadn't wore for long time.I polished my humble leather shoes.I was feeling good.That's all. cigarette neatly tucked between my lips, I was off for regular classes.I didn,t want to bunk my last day. A divine feeling of foreboding and a hint of smile never left me for the whole day,I don't know why, but it felt good. P,haps my classmates too sensed something unusual in me. Heard a few comments I don't give a damn about. Anyway to fellas I was never a friend. To some I was an aching soul,to a few a dispassionate mortal, to still others ???? and to most "harmless-doesn't bother" .Exactly in the 3rd lecture since morning my errant behaviour started to get the better of me. Actually I knew the clouds were beginning to cover and it would rain in a while.Call it the clouds or my urge for a puff, I started getting fidgety and was thrown out of the class.After a highway-salute to the pissed off prof. I got out, high and excited. I didn't care for the grades now,so, the prof. couldn't screw me.
When I was out of the class the sky was already a light grey.The mild breeze stirred some life in the tamed campus environs.Some might have started to share the feelings inside me very mildly. Got to the university canteen and had a few cigarettes. As the sky began to darken up, my puffs began to take me away from life or p'haps the life away from me as they say !! Little pristine drops of rain made people run for cover while I stood in the open- arms wide open and facing the sky I wanted to taste it. I had never felt like this before. After all these years of my life I was standing here like a little child ready to grab a piece of cloud and get all drenched in the first summer rain. I suddenly felt a song erupt in my heart that I might have heard long ago or maybe never at all.The tunes filled my lips as did the rain. Today, I even felt like dancing to the tune and did some incoherent moves right in the middle of the street, which left some onlookers feeling stupid and me laughing. I hadn't laughed in a while. As if the rain didn't want to desert me today, the roads were filled with puddles and I splashed my way to the hostel without a single thought in my head-just empty, just filled. Soaked up with feelings, with life beyond death I got to my room and wrote a long letter to dad. I had tried writing this letter for long but I knew I could find the words and expressions today and I did. The evening was relatively calm. I felt hungry and an acute headache began to pull me in, but I wasn,t short of my excitement. I dialled to my sis and had some usual talk in which I was always fine and in fact had to hide my state of thrill and excitement. Then I sat back wondering something I can't remember. I mailed some of my acquaintances who can fairly be called friends. It was almost 8:00 in the evening, a chill was growing inside me and an unbearable headache enveloped me. I called mom but she sounded very low today, hardly speaking anything. I felt as if I could see her right in front of me looking silently at me.I wanted her to speak today but she would not.I got an eerie feeling that she too knew all that was to happen.I felt her love and care for me p'haps the first time in my life . My head felt dizzy and suddenly I felt a warm streak on my cheek.Then more drops of tear began to fall.I kept wiping them but they would not stop. P'haps I was crying, something I never knew. I felt like laughing looking at me cry.As my eyelids grew heavy,I felt contented for the first time ever. My slumber was broken a few times by a known voice as if someone was waking me up.I think it was mom and dad.They know it all,still they call me- even after I m gone. Finally I fell asleep knowing- this was the end , this was my salvation, this was my deliverance.