Heart of Darkness

Late into the winter months, the chill had suddenly spread its dark shadow over a bright moonlit night. As if the aging winter commanded more reverence, the earthly beings duly surrendered to the cold wave.No one dared venture out.The moon, the night, the winter and the silent breeze engaged in some kind of morbid romance ruled its subjects. The silent breeze embraced the lovely winter night and danced playfully around pausing to tickle a little bird,as chill seeped through the crevices and shivered it.Then again the couple frantically roamed the bright night.Unstopped and unstoppable ! Meanwhile,the night with its heart of darkness inspired fear and forbiddance.Fear of the unknown and forbiddance of the undone.The mortal beings were deep in the realm of dreams as the unconsciousness had taken over.Dissuaded by the darkness and content with living desires and fears at the will of unconscious mind.But,that was not all.The enticing moon on a clear night had devious designs of its own.A giant banyan tree cast a real dark shadow. Shadows which have purpose but no plans.Shadows which are sometimes sinful but never guilty.

In the heat of midday with sun overhead,a hawk searching for a prey spots an unwary little pigeon.As it closes in,the bird catches sight of the shadow and the chase begins. The bird flew fast on its little wings,but its desperate attempts to escape were intercepted by ferocious swerves by the hawk.Finally in one fell swoop,the beast digs its claws into the pigeon's chest.Heart punctured and crimson covered its immaculate wings.The little pigeon shrieked in pain and woke up from the nightmare!Horrified and sweating.

The little bird lay awake under its mother's wings staring at the night sky.The nightmare still haunting it.As the uneasiness grew,it hopped to the edge of the nest and looked around in careful appraisal of the winter night.It shrunk within its little wings to escape the chill.Cold and shivering, it remained there as if waiting in anticipation.The ambience had been mysteriously painted in shade and dark.The moon played tantalizingly with the night as it hid itself into the clouds and emerged after a while.The innocent bird had never seen the night and its elements in such form.Night was always presented as something forbidding and ominous.But here it was,the bewitching night and the lovely moon were already claiming it by there charm.Until then,it was awed by the night but now the curiosity took over.
It fixed its loving gaze over the moon without a blink.A jewel studded in the heart of darkness,how beautiful it was? Enough to arouse longing into a little heart.The moon passed a sly smile but the bird was too innocent to notice it. The more it looked at the moon,the more it yearned for it.The little heart blossomed with a pleasant feeling.By now, the bird was completely oblivious of the nightmare.Mortal struggle had already given way to a struggle witihn.Reason and logic sinking into temptations and desires.The matters of the mind subdued by the affairs of the heart.As clouds passed over the moon,a heart ached to have a glimpse of it.The moon came out smiling at the edge of the cloud and a heart leapt with joy.Unreasonable, but where can you find reason for loving and longing.The intellect gives way to an emotion.Emotion that cannot be comprehended and should not be attempted to by our mean minds.

The euphoria turned into desire, then longing and finally passion.The innocent heart decided to fly to the moon.It took a brief look at its nest.The warmth,coziness and safety were not enough to deter it.It was no more of afraid of the dark like a little child,instead it felt a maturity growing within,ready to take up challenges and uncertainties.The pangs of love were too much to bear.After all, love is all about expanse beyond limits.An eternal flight of the soul.A life beyond life.It felt a surge of power in its wings and of emotions in a little heart.

A leap of faith,and it soared into the unknown.Riding on the wings of love, it flew east,towards the moon which arouses desires and towards the sun which brings hope and color to all life.Although it was too cold but it had to reach the moon.It fixed its gaze at the moon as the chill began to grow on its wings.It flew long but seemed to get no closer.The moon elusively kept appearing farther away.A little heart ached at the thought but love is dedication.With its wings enervated and eyelids covered with tiny flakes of snow,it felt impossible to open its eyes even.But who knows of something which love cannot offer!Although a hard fact that lingers is-love doesn't ask for lesser things.It continued the flight.One love, a thousand desires and a million lives to be sacrificed on its altar.It flew long in the bitterly cold night but seemed like ages passed.A lone and melancholy flight of infinite joy and endless suffering headed to an end. Then dazed by the effort and life sapped out of its little body,it fell like a stone in the faraway hills.A bereaved and broken heart touched only by the eerie silence of night was what survived.

On the mounds of snow lay with its eyes wide open,a lifeless body still staring heavenwards as if expecting some divine requital of its undying love.A loving soul on its eternal flight.A promise to love well kept and a faith in life sadly departed.

Now every night,the moon comes back in its full glory,painting the canvas of earth in black and white.The enticing moon and bewitching chiaruscuro together wait in the silence of night to charm a little pigeon.Banyan trees cast dark shadows of gloom inspired by the charming night.Pigeon-mothers still wait on the edge of a nest looking around bewildered, neither taken by charm nor fear.Just another heart aching with LOVE.

Died Last Night.......I was sick of living.

Yes, I died last night !!

Death is not all that serious..Believe me, when I m dead ! For a long time I was experiencing this--Something started dying inside me and gradually death paved it's way inside me. Trust me when I say that- When death finds your way, don't fight back or else it will be painful.....

When I woke up yesterday morning,I felt unusually relaxed, free and exuberant and I knew it was the end.

It was a promising sunny morning. Of course only I could sense the clouds that were to come. After getting fresh,I dressed in my favourite Jeans and shirt I hadn't wore for long time.I polished my humble leather shoes.I was feeling good.That's all. cigarette neatly tucked between my lips, I was off for regular classes.I didn,t want to bunk my last day. A divine feeling of foreboding and a hint of smile never left me for the whole day,I don't know why, but it felt good. P,haps my classmates too sensed something unusual in me. Heard a few comments I don't give a damn about. Anyway to fellas I was never a friend. To some I was an aching soul,to a few a dispassionate mortal, to still others ???? and to most "harmless-doesn't bother" .Exactly in the 3rd lecture since morning my errant behaviour started to get the better of me. Actually I knew the clouds were beginning to cover and it would rain in a while.Call it the clouds or my urge for a puff, I started getting fidgety and was thrown out of the class.After a highway-salute to the pissed off prof. I got out, high and excited. I didn't care for the grades now,so, the prof. couldn't screw me.
When I was out of the class the sky was already a light grey.The mild breeze stirred some life in the tamed campus environs.Some might have started to share the feelings inside me very mildly. Got to the university canteen and had a few cigarettes. As the sky began to darken up, my puffs began to take me away from life or p'haps the life away from me as they say !! Little pristine drops of rain made people run for cover while I stood in the open- arms wide open and facing the sky I wanted to taste it. I had never felt like this before. After all these years of my life I was standing here like a little child ready to grab a piece of cloud and get all drenched in the first summer rain. I suddenly felt a song erupt in my heart that I might have heard long ago or maybe never at all.The tunes filled my lips as did the rain. Today, I even felt like dancing to the tune and did some incoherent moves right in the middle of the street, which left some onlookers feeling stupid and me laughing. I hadn't laughed in a while. As if the rain didn't want to desert me today, the roads were filled with puddles and I splashed my way to the hostel without a single thought in my head-just empty, just filled. Soaked up with feelings, with life beyond death I got to my room and wrote a long letter to dad. I had tried writing this letter for long but I knew I could find the words and expressions today and I did. The evening was relatively calm. I felt hungry and an acute headache began to pull me in, but I wasn,t short of my excitement. I dialled to my sis and had some usual talk in which I was always fine and in fact had to hide my state of thrill and excitement. Then I sat back wondering something I can't remember. I mailed some of my acquaintances who can fairly be called friends. It was almost 8:00 in the evening, a chill was growing inside me and an unbearable headache enveloped me. I called mom but she sounded very low today, hardly speaking anything. I felt as if I could see her right in front of me looking silently at me.I wanted her to speak today but she would not.I got an eerie feeling that she too knew all that was to happen.I felt her love and care for me p'haps the first time in my life . My head felt dizzy and suddenly I felt a warm streak on my cheek.Then more drops of tear began to fall.I kept wiping them but they would not stop. P'haps I was crying, something I never knew. I felt like laughing looking at me cry.As my eyelids grew heavy,I felt contented for the first time ever. My slumber was broken a few times by a known voice as if someone was waking me up.I think it was mom and dad.They know it all,still they call me- even after I m gone. Finally I fell asleep knowing- this was the end , this was my salvation, this was my deliverance.